I am Enough!! By: Brenda Ortiz-Boxdale
There Comes a point in your life when enough is enough. When are you going to stop allowing him to control your life? I used to say this to myself everyday but nothing changed.
I went through a lot, but I wanted my kids to witness me saying “enough.” I suffered in silence for 12-years, 12 long years. Just imagine waking up everyday walking on egg shells in fear. Sleeping with a butcher knife by your side, not knowing if you would even have the courage to use it.
You don’t have to live like this, you deserve so much more. What is it going to take? Will you have to go to jail for killing him? Who will take care of the kids? All of these questions would run through my mind constantly.
At first everything was good right? Every man in your life has hurt you. He won’t be like them, he saved you from an abusive relationship. There is no way he would treat me like they did. Well guess what, he did over and over again.
It was so hard to stand up to him. Fight back, why are you not fighting back? I couldn’t honestly answer that question. I’ve gave you my all, believed that you would change. Time and time again you proved me wrong.
All my life I searched for love from men, a love that I never knew. Not knowing my father and having such an abusive model of a man in my life, made me even more desperate to find that love. This effected every relationship that I have had, it was normal for me to be with an abusive man.
I knew deep down that GOD had plans for me, GOD wouldn’t give me anything I couldn’t handle. I did question GOD a lot, Why me? Why did I have to lose a child because of this man? Why did I have to lose myself?
I prayed and prayed that GOD would open my eyes so I can see what I am worth. I tried to seek help. I called the police so many times and they never helped. Aren’t the police supposed to help? If they couldn’t help me than who could, I felt lost.
I asked myself these questions. Do I Matter? Do my Kids Matter?
I was at work and received a call from mom that he was on a rampage. I had to put a stop to this, this can’t be what my life is going to be. I said “Brenda call the police one more time and have them meet you at the house.” They did and finally they removed him. I had an officer that saw the look in my eyes, the tears streaming from my face and decided to help me. Thank GOD someone was willing to help me. Since that day I have never looked back, but it was not easy. I truly struggled with life. I was now a new found single mom with 3 boys. Being Depressed and alone was hard.
I knew who ever GOD placed in front of me had to be able to love me and my kids whole heartedly.
The Lord answered my prayers and he had a man that he chose for me. This man was already in my life, but now it was time for him to make his entrance into my heart. I am forever grateful that I have the love that I have been searching for. Its still a struggle emotionally I tend to doubt my happiness and I know that it’s because of the trauma that I experienced in my life.
Thankful is an understatement of how I feel inside my spirit. I was able to break the cycle of abuse. To this day the cycle is still broken. I married the love of my life. I’m still receiving all of the blessings that I was meant to have. The Lord knew the lessons I would learn and the stories I can share to help other women. He gave me a platform and I’m hear to say. You too can break the cycle. You are Enough!!
Facebook: Brenda Ortiz-Boxdale